Ok here’s the scoop. I’m not perfect just like you’re not perfect. 😜 Ok, now that we got that out of the way, let me bring up a hard message. We probably won’t get everything right with our kids and we might have missed a few things. 😱 Shew! Now that I got that off my chest (no parent shaming or judging here right?! Safe place?), I can acknowledge the fact that I have an extremely anxiety ridden little girl going into puberty soon that I’m extremely concerned about. She’s sensitive, afraid to take risks and keeps to herself unless she feels absolutely safe. She wasn’t always this way though. So I found myself drowning in a pool of mom guilt trying to figure out where I went wrong—what I did or didn’t do to lose the sassy little confident child I once had to this. Was it the divorce? Did I not build her up enough? Did I tell her she wasn’t good at something? Ugh 😩 parenting is hard and the mom gully is REAL. I kept trying to think of what would help her and I just couldn’t see it. We’ve gone to therapy and still no real result. Until one day I finally recognized the problem. 👏
When she was young, she wasn’t really aware of her surroundings or what people thought of her. She was just. like. me in a 3, 4, 5 & 6 year old body. She was talkative, expressive and knew no stranger. I started noticing some changes at 7 and she’s spiraled downhill for a few years now In 4th and 5th grade especially. I don’t remember how it came to me, but when it did, it about smacked me hard in the face. My baby lacked self confidence. Now I’m gonna get past the super mom drama and realize this isn’t all (or maybe any) of my fault. Reality check moms ~it’s not always about you! 😅 Kids at school, teachers, administrators and other adults could have done little (or big) things that when she became more aware of the world around her (and what they thought of her) started to build and became this mountainous fear of failure or being disliked and unacceptEd so it became safer for her to not try, to be quiet and hope nobody noticed her. Regardless of why it happened, it’s clear that it happened and my baby needs confidence in a big way. It will help her with her anxiety, the depression she’s been feeling, her academics and her social relationships. So note that I know the problem—-what’s a good modern mom to do? Google it. duh.😜 I know, right? But seriously—you can teach yourself literally ANYTHING on the Internet so my latest and most important project is this...how to build confidence in my child. I found lots of basic not really helpful lists and then I found this. An actual resource... with tools! Exactly what I needed. I bought all the resources— no joke and am printing them as I type! I’m probably more excited about this than my daughter will be and I’m not sure how she’ll receive the fact that she’s gonna have “mommy and me” homework to do each night... but I don’t care. Because I know the big picture is her happiness, her resilience, her ability to fail, to succeed and to fail again and most importantly to get back up, dust herself off and adjust. I’m going to pour into her like I wish someone poured into me so I didn’t have to learn through as much pain as I did. 😢 I’m going to teach her it’s okay to fail and that she’s never alone. 🤜🤛 I’m going to give her all the tools possible to teach her that she is capable of whatever she puts her mind to, but that she’s capable of nothing if she never tries. 💪 🙌
I’ll report back in 6 months or so and let you know how it’s going, but this looks so hopeful to me, it looks doable and it gives me some structure on how to teach my child how to build confidence in a big, scary world full of failure. This is more than her therapists ever gave me. In fact, I might share this resource with them! Especially if I see growth and change.
Number 13 & 14 on this list really stood out to me after all the hubub of women complaining about the JLo & Shakira halftime show. 😩 I couldn’t understand their complaints at all. But what I realized was that while ‘they were complaining that these women are teaching our children either to dress scandalously’ or to ’dance like a stripper’ (I disagree with both of these notions BTW—our children are most likely not going to watch one halftime show and instantly want to start spinning on a pole dressed in next to nothing, which is apparently the fear, just like your sons aren’t walking around shirtless drawing tattoos across their chest after watching Adam Levine last year.) What they are paying more attention to, though -is your response. If they hear you reacting negatively to other women, they pay attention. if they hear you praising other women, they pay attention to that as well. Do you want them to learn to put others down or to build others up? 🤔Find something nice to say and say it... 👏 she’s listening. 👏. Next—I’ve heard some say it’s an ‘unrealistic standard’ or ‘fantasyland’ to make your daughters think this is how everyone’s bodies look when they have nutrition experts, trainers and doctors to help keep them that way (I see you, Barbie). I also disagree with this notion. See there, we fall into comparison and I’m a true believer in the saying “Comparison is the thief of joy“... it’s so true. It’s unhealthy and you will always find someone “better than you” at something if that’s what you’re looking for. Just because someone has something super cool or looks a certain way, has a certain talent, etc. that doesn’t make you and yours any less. We need to teach our children young that celebrating someone else doesn’t take away from your own talents, strengths and beauty. 🥰 We are each unique and we should never get caught up or even try to teach our children that comparing ourselves to anyone is who we should be aiming to be. We only need to aim to be our best selves. Self acceptance, self love is where it’s at. 🥳
Anyhoo—I always swear I’m gonna keep these sport and sweet and I never do...I’m a rambler. Sorry, not sorry. Love me or don’t, I am who I am 🤪.
So here is the great article with resources I found! I hope you enjoy it and can put it to some use in your parenting. There are several other great packets they have on different topics like kindness, positivity and growth mindset. Check it out... lots of great stuff there! Link to their website where you can purchase kits will be posted below the article. 👇